Every End Is A New Beginning
I recently ended a 18 month relationship with a man. It was long coming and much needed. Now that I am a totally free woman I am on a journey to truly find myself and heal the hurts of my past. This is my chance to become who I want to be. :)
Because I had involved so many people from my life in my relationship I posted a note on my Facebook page for everyone to read. What I had to say is as follows…
I have spent the last 18 months of my life giving my heart, my support, my money, and attention to a man. A man that I fully loved and who I thought loved me as well. A man that many of you told me was wrong for me and was only using me. I gave up my time, my energy, my self respect, and some friendships during this time. I cried on so many shoulders, wailed at people, begged for advice on how to change the situation, begged people to explain to me why things were going the way that they were, how to change myself, how to leave, how to change him, and so much more.
It was a mess of a situation that I won’t go into great detail about because those of you that need to know about it do and for those of you that don’t know…feel lucky to have missed out on the soap opera that has been my life lately.
I have been hated, been used, been judged, been ridiculed, and so much more. But here is the deal…It was my choice to make. My love to give. My life to live. There isn’t one of you that truly knows the person that I was before HE walked into my life. I was not a good person and I was going no where fast. HE allowed me to drop my walls and start believing in love again. HE gave me room to breath in a way that I needed. HE was a tool that helped change me and give me some direction again. Was HE a douche bag? Yes. Did HE use me? Yes. Did HE lie to me time and time again? Yes. But it was what I needed to go through at the time. And now its over. OVER. I know that many of you think that you have heard this before and you have. But I have finally reached that place that you all told me that I would. I know with out a doubt that being alone is better than being treated the way that I was. So I am done. I will take the lessons I learned and use them to better my life and grow some more because that is what life is all about.
So here is my final request regarding all of this. Stop talking about it. Stop asking if I have talked to HIM. Stop asking if I am ok. Stop telling me that you saw HIM. Stop telling me that you saw HIS new girlfriend. Stop telling me I can do better. Stop telling me HE is a douce bag. JUST STOP!!!!
At this point it is my load to carry and my burden to bear. Now its time for me to close the door on that chapter of my life and move forward. I made the choice and I lived through it even more than those of you who think you know all about it. I will be ok.
I am so so sorry to all of you who have been there for me through all of this. I am sorry that I refused to leave once the lesson was learned. I am sorry that I took your adivce, love, concern, and care but didn’t use it. I remember everything that each one of you have told me and I am now FINALLY applying all of it.
Thank you to those of you that have stood by my side as I made the mistake of staying/going back over and over and over again.
Now that its done, lets all be grateful and move forward. :)
So now I am moving on…Loving myself…Loving my life.
